At the Golf Refugees laboratory, where our white coated colleagues have at least one GCSE in a science related subject, conduct numerous experiments and drug trails to inform our decision.
Our drug classification system is somewhat different to the governments(UK).
Golf Refugees drug classification table.
Class A
Any drugs derived from Afghanistan.
We don’t believe any of our brave young soldiers should be killed by weapons financed by citizens consuming these drugs.
Class B
Heroin, cocaine
Class C
Ecstasy, amphetamines, cannabis, cigarettes, alcohol, lucozade, coca cola.
At first, it may seem odd to classify say cannabis and cigarettes; alcohol and lucozade in the same category. But after conducting rigorous experiments we believe they are as harmful to your mind and body as each other. For example one of our scientists drank ten pints of his favourite lager on a Saturday night before playing his usual round of golf early Sunday morning. He played quite well, with no noticeable drop in performance. The following weekend, in the name of science, he consumed ten bottles of lucozard sport, but throughout Sunday morning he felt particulary ropey with several unscheduled trips to the bushes. His physical and mental well being had been affected and consequently his performance on the golf course.
The first golf drug cheat has been found and punished. Good news for the golf authorities that the relatively unknown golfer doesn’t need to give back any major trophies or cause embarrassment to any multi-million dollar sponsorship deal. Few, that was lucky.
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